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POLITICAL HUMOR - The Max Network is your on-line source
for federal, state and local government. Including email addresses for
the President, House of Representatives, Senate and the Supreme Court.
Links to the Executive, Legislative and Judicial branch for the United
States, DE, NJ, and PA. Plus, government agencies like the CIA, FBI, DEA,
EPA, FFA, IRS and more.
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 | "That depends on what the definition
of is, is."
President Bill Clinton, during his deposition in the Monica
Lewinsky case.
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| "It depends on your
definition of asleep. They were stretched out. They had their eyes closed.
They were seated at their desks with their heads in a nodding position."
John Hogan, Commonwealth Edison
Supervisor of News Information, responding to a charge by a Nuclear Regulatory Commission
inspector that Dresden Nuclear Plant operators were sleeping on the job.
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| "I haven't
committed a crime. What I did was to fail to comply with the law." David
Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations
that he failed to pay his taxes.
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| "They gave me a
book of checks. They didn't ask for any deposits."
Congressman Joe Early (D-Mass) at a press conference to
answer questions about the House Bank scandal.
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| "He didn't say
that. He was reading what was given to him in a speech."
Richard Darman, director of OMB, explaining why President
Bush wasn't following up on his campaign pledge that there would be no loss of wetlands.
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| "I didn't accept
it. I received it." Richard Allen, National Security Advisor to President Reagan, explaining the
$1,000 cash and two watches he was given by two Japanese journalists after he helped
arrange a private interview for them with First Lady Nancy Reagan.
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| "I was a pilot
flying an airplane and it just so happened that where I was flying made what I was doing
spying." Francis Gary
Power, U-2 reconnaissance pilot held by the Soviets for spying, in an interview after he
was returned to the US.
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| "I was under
medication when I made the decision not to burn the tapes."
President Richard Nixon
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| "Outside of the
killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
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| "I support efforts
to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of
the Senate." Vice-President
Dan Quayle
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| "Sure its going to
kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else already." Othal Brand, member of the Texas pesticide review board, on
chlordane
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| "Beginning in
February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued . . . Reason: It has
been reported to our office that you expired on January 1, 1976." Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid
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| "The Holocaust was
an obscene period in our nation's history . . . this century's history . . . We all lived
in this century. I didn't live in this century."
Dan Quayle, then Indiana Senator and Republican
vice-presidential candidate during a news conference in which he was asked his opinion of
the Holocaust
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| "The streets are
safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."
Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor
of Philadelphia.
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| "I've always
thought that under-populated countries in Africa are vastly under-polluted." Lawrence Summers, Chief Economist to the World Bank,
explaining why we should export toxic waste to Third World Countries.
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| "The crime bill
passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death penalty for certain violent crimes;
assassinating the President; hijacking an airliner; and murdering a government poultry
inspector." Knight
Ridder News Service dispatch
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| "After finding no
qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased
to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post." Philip
Steifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode
Island.
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